Creating Alignment Within Yourself: Get What You Really Want
Have you ever wondered why you long to be in a committed relationship, but always wind up choosing unavailable partners? The kind that say they be monogamous or get married, but for one reason or another, can’t ever get there?
Watch this video to learn how to align yourself with what you want so you can GET what you want, or you can read more below.
You know the drill:
I do want what you want (wait for it …) *someday.
*And then, someday never comes. Right?
Or, you just keep choosing the same kind of person to date or be in a relationship with? You don’t know that at the beginning, but then, once you’re in and invested, it dawns on you: Wait a minute, this guy’s just like the last one. How did I miss that?
If this is you, goodness knows, you are definitely not alone. I can’t tell you how many times I wound up dating the same guy. Not literally—I mean, they were different people—but figuratively in terms of the fact that they were all really into the relationship, but when it came to going all the way for long-term love and marriage, they were all really out.
Every time it happened, I remember thinking: It must be me. It has to be, I mean, I’m the common denominator, right?
And listen, the truth is, it is YOU.
But not in the way you may think.
It’s who and how you’re choosing to show up in relationship, what you’re attracting to you.
It’s definitely NOT that there’s something wrong or defective in you, with the underlying meaning that you’re not worthy of being loved.
No way, that’s not it at all. To the contrary, you are WORTHY. You are super worthy.
The problem is not whether they believe it – whoever you’re dating who’s withholding love or whatever it is you want – the problem is that YOU don’t believe. Well, at least one part of you doesn’t: Your subconscious. And let me tell you, when it comes to your conscious and your subconscious mind? Your subconscious is really driving the bus.
Because that’s where all your limiting beliefs live.
The ones that tell you you’re not worthy of love because you’re too fat, thin, tall, short, smart, dumb, or whatever you’ve been taught and/or conditioned to believe about yourself in a negative way. Now, I know we’ve talked about limiting beliefs in the past, but they bear mentioning again – and frankly, again and again and again and again and again until they’ve all been squashed like stinkbugs – because they’re the culprit.
Your limiting beliefs are standing in between you and the love you want most. And if you don’t know that—and deal with them—you’re going to continue to make choices that align with these limiting beliefs, versus choices that align with your conscious mind which is saying, “But I want love. Good healthy love? WTF?”
Let’s say you start dating someone. And they’re really good. Not jerks. Seem very interested. Say they want what you do. But never deliver – even when you deliver ultimatums or initiate hard conversations or even breakup to see if a little "out of sight out of mind" will sway them to your side.
You may say to yourself: But I deserve love! I love myself. I do. And they’re good. They say they want what I do. But then … nothing but resistance. I deserve better. What I want. And so, it’s baffling. You’re scratching your head trying to figure out how to get the ball rolling here... how to get that other person to comply.
And then, before you know it, you're 12 years in and, well, nothing is happening. (Hi, hello!)
Yep, you chose a good guy or maybe you chose a bad guy. Whichever you chose, the outcome is the same: That person is unavailable. Doesn't want what you do. Over and over and over.
Know why? Because your SUBCONSCIOUS MIND said, “I”ll let you have someone, but they won’t give you what you want because you’re not worthy because you’re too [insert limiting belief] to be loved, or have commitment, or be happy or whatever again, you’ve been taught to believe about yourself that’s negative … by your family or previous experiences or whatever.”
Until you change that limiting belief to a more empowering one? You’ll continue to make the same dissonant choices. That’s why it’s sooooo important to take care of those limiting beliefs and get rid of them.
So you can get into alignment.
So your conscious and subconscious mind can be on the same bus, driving to the same end, working together to make sure you get there. And make choices that reflect that alignment in love with someone who is not only awesome like you are, but who wants what you do from relationship at exactly the same time. (Because timing is super important)
Now, you’re asking me how to do that.
I’ve got three tips for you!
Uncover two of your subconscious beliefs. We’ve all got them. Some are old and some are new (e.g., if you’re coming off of a divorce and you feel like your best years are behind you, you may have the new limiting belief that you’re too old to find love again … that’s just one way we can get a new belief).
Journal in a notebook or diary around these two prompts for 10 minutes each:
“I had no idea I believed __________ about myself.”
“I believe I deserve ___________from my partner.”Look for the limiting beliefs in your notes. They’ll either tell you something negative or have you grasp at your chest and screech, “OMG, I had no idea I believed that!” (And if you don’t experience either of these things, do the exercise a few days in a row … you’ll get there!) Ask yourself how that belief syncs with what you consciously believe to be true about yourself and relationship. So if, for example, you had no idea you believed you were too old to find love, ask yourself if that’s something you’ve thought about consciously? Or if it’s surprising to you? And how it may be impacting your choices in love.
Write a new more empowering belief. For each limiting belief you uncover, rewrite it to be more empowering. For example, "I'm amazing at any age and anybody would be super lucky to have me." And then, write it on a post-it and put it on your mirror, on your kitchen cabinets, on the computer, wherever you look frequently during the day. The goal is to absorb it completely so it becomes your actual belief – both subconsciously and consciously.
Lastly, if you are constantly making the same bad choices in love and relationship – the kind that aren’t getting you where you want to go. Or, if you find yourself talking negatively to yourself, making the assumption that it’s you as a human who’s not worthy of love, versus your continuing to make choices that are not in alignment with what you truly believe about yourself and want, take a pause.Stop and ask yourself the question: Are my conscious and subconscious beliefs working together or are they operating on two separate universes?
Journal around that as a great first step.
Awareness is everything here!
Comment below and answer this one question: What limiting belief is standing in my way?
